Friday, June 25, 2004 :::
Virgo: (Aug. 23?Sept. 22)
If you had to do it all over again, you wouldn't change a thing, which proves that you're a masochistic submoron.
::: at 4:28 PM
Wednesday, June 23, 2004 :::
So Britney was sitting there making me sick so I tried to shove the phone up his ass, you know, for fun, but I kinda missed and ended up smashing his balls with it a few times.
He told me he hated me and called me a sponge.
Fucking fag. I'm a leech. Get it right.
My friend still won't punch me in the face.
How zen of him. Fucker.
Later he told me I was being to loud and led me down to the basement. I started to pass out on the carpet so he covered me with a sleeping bag and then cuddled up.
He left a big kiss on my face.
This morning when we were walking down the street he handed me a $20.
Guess that makes me your whore.
::: at 11:47 AM
Tuesday, June 22, 2004 :::
Anyone that makes up their own language and then starts a band deserves some sort of signifigant lordship, as far as I'm concerned.
::: at 5:14 PM
I love how I can piss people off without even trying.
Fucking sweetest song.
Or should I say...fucking heteros.
::: at 11:45 AM
Monday, June 21, 2004 :::
Okay, here are some tips for those that wish to promote themselves through corosponding with bloggers:
Most bloggers react only to base level emotions. We're a bunch of lab rats waiting for that blissfull day that the cocaine pellets actually start shooting out of the disc drive. That means that if you are going to attempt contact, you either have to:
- Laud with compliments till real truth of email is relatively obscured. Comment on firmness of ass, pretty eyes, point out brilliance of those horrid little umm "literary" references that are so often littered about like dog shit in a park. You've already swallowed your pride by emailing, you'd better be prepared to swallow their load as well.
- Tear 'em a new asshole then fuck it till they pass out. The only other application you can really use to get a blogger's attention is to beat the living shit out of them. Even if it's just through the written word. I'm not talking "shut the fuck up motherfucker" or "pithy remarks". Jesus shit, we fucking spout off how much deeply personal shit, thinly veiled or not? Archives are there for a reason. Read up, then rape and pillage at will.
(Warning: Some may develop passionate feelings to you through use of either application. Mace is cheap. Invest.)
Now, you also have to tailor your act to what you are promoting. Wanna be a porn star? Easy does it my friend. See, all bloggers have either been in, directed, fucking produced porn at some point or another. Many still receive strange emails/warrants from pesky Czech refugees looking for their cheques, so you might wanna hold up on the full frontal. Some dumb face shot and a quick little blurb or too about how "funny" and "witty" the author is is all you need at first. Use "dude" and "bro" alot (If male of either persuasion. If male of either persuasion wishes to do gay porn, simply pretend to be straight "but curious" for like, 2 seconds, then your in.), and if female turn on the webcam and shove a couple zuchinnis up yer twat. Bloggers LOVE zuchinni.
For projects of "higher intellect". Such as books, photography, or Ipod customization, the approach initially remains the same. After the booty shot however, shove in a little paragraph from the book, or photo, add on a little note saying that "I thought you especially would appreciate this." Doesn't matter if its a dissertation on inorganic chemistry written in a language that blogger doesn;t even speak. You thought they would love it, therefore your blogger buddy will be all over it. They're going to make sweet, sweet love to it AND cook it breakfast. Easy, huh?
Still not working for you? Easy. Drugs, booze, or cash that can be used to purchase either of the former. Or clothes, nothing to fashiony...or shoes...OMYGOD SHOES!! That little Yves Saint Laurent pump with the strap across the toes, or the Choos?
What do you think?
Does the toe cleavage work? I'm not really comfortable with my feet...you know, after Roger.
What about flats?
No my ass looks funny in flats.
No, it does...I'm serious. Remember Tony?!
No no, not those.
Okay...those...in a 7 1/2....
...okay I'll try the 7...
::: at 2:45 PM
I just ended a 4 day "sober run".
I still can't think straight.
To celebrate as much, I spent last night drinking until I couldn't lift the bottle to my face.
Actually, I could get in to my face, but I kinda missed my mouth a few times.
It's 1969 and I don't care!
I need some real cohorts and confidants.
I'm so over emotional revenge. Unless the person doing it is quite adept.
This ones not.
I still want him to try. At least then I'd have something to do.
Last week I wasted 1/2hr trying to get my friend the punch me in the face.
They never do...even if you bite them.
My love is bigger than your love/
We take more drugs than a touring funk band/
::: at 12:18 PM