just another faggot
slutty, but well read
Friday, September 05, 2003 :::
Hours worked today: 8
Of those hours, number of which spent slumped against a wall reading InStyle, getting seriously hard at the thought of very, very slowly slitting Philip Bloch's throat: 4
...don't even get me started on Fred Segal.
::: at 5:25 PM
Found, in Harper's:
An aeorospace company in Texas regularly beams messages into space, hoping to make contact with other life forms. They are also planning on attatching copies of their DNA along with the message. Both are equally rich in content, as you can see by the following snipet:
"Tweety is a unique bird. Taco Bell is a very good fast food restaurant. Madonna is omnipotent."
::: at 12:51 PM
Wednesday, September 03, 2003 :::
From my hot-box in hole:
Subject: Penis Tax
The only thing the government has not taxed yet is the penis.
This is due to the fact that 40% of the time it is hanging around
unemployed, 30% of the time it is hard up, 20% of the time it is pissed
and 10% of the time it is in a hole. On top of that it has two
and they are both nuts.
Effective from January 1st 2004, a penis will be taxed according to
10 - 12" LUXURY TAX = $70.00
8 - 10" POLE TAX = $55.00
5 - 8" PRIVILEGE TAX = $40.00
4 - 5" NUISANCE TAX = $15.00
Males exceeding 12" must file under capital gains.
Anyone under 4" is eligible for a refund.
(PLEASE DO NOT ASK FOR AN EXTENSION)
We are still awaiting clarification on a number of questions raised on
new tax, including:
Are there penalties for early withdrawals?
What if one's penis is self-employed?
Do multiple partners count as a corporation?
::: at 4:09 PM
Tom Waits, Iggy Pop, Cate Blanchet, Steve Buscemi, and Roberto Begnini all meet for coffee a smoke and chat.
I'm so there.
Also, make sure you venture here as well. I'll be there, maybee not with the prosthetics, but at least a beer.
Plotting Maming of: Chloe Sevigny
Searching for tickets to: The Peter Greenway double whammy!
The award for "I'll complain about the hype but probably go and love it anyways" goes to: Elephant
Honorable Mention: von Trier's Dogville
If you want to pick-up some first year OCAD kids got to: Cremaster 3
Where to take your date if you like them: Midnight Madness horror series. Korea, Japan, France are coming together to scare the living shit out of us.
Where to take your date if you don't like them: Brown Bunny (warning, it will hurt you as much as it will hurt them. True masochists only)
Inside drink tip: Windsor Arms Hotel. The cigar room at the back.
Where to avoid like the plague: Four Seasons. Security, gawkers, and kamikazi limo drivers. Nice carpeting though! (see yesterday's post)
If you see me, for the love of god, buy me a drink!
::: at 11:01 AM
Tuesday, September 02, 2003 :::
Issues with the Toronto Film Festival:
-People in the film industry.
-People who want to be in the film industry.
-People who like to watch people who might or might not be in the film industry.
-People who only see films that won something at Cannes.
-The only available seat in the bar is a couch that currently holds a passed out Sean Penn.
-People who expect you to go home with them because they did the accounting for American Beauty.
-Bodygaurds. If it wasn't for them, Gwyneth would have been laying in a pile of blood years ago. For that I'll never forgive them.
-VIP lists. Doesn't matter if you're on them, cause that bitch in PR can barely spell VIP let alone your name.
-Sean Penn is still on the couch.
-You dropped your $15 martini.
-You are escorted out of the Four Seasons after you pass out in the hallway on the 10th floor, and to this day have no idea what you were doing there.
-Vomiting oysters while in line for a film. Pretending nothing happened.
The good things:
-James Woods singing happy birthday to you, and buying you a drink.
-Watching Sean Penn fall off the couch.
-The $15 martinis are on someone elses tab.
-Bodygaurds will do (and tell) plenty.
-You get to see things like Happiness.
-When you fuck out of towners, you get to use room service.
-You get to go on and on about Iranian cinema.
-Essentially you get to be very pretentious, drunk, and horny and still walk away smelling like complementary hand cream. Shameless capitalism, yes, but Sean Penn fell off the couch!
::: at 1:14 PM